Posted by: jeffra | February 5, 2010

Missing him…


Lately, I miss my husband. He works so much and is always at home, behind the computer. We are both there, at home, which gives me some sense of closeness but I miss laying in bed watching tv. I miss our conversations about the ongoings in the world and what we each think of things. Part of this is winter, and just not being able to do much outside. We do make an effort, almost daily, to take McKenna to the park for 45 min. or so to get her out of the house and work on her gross motor control and to play and have stimulation outside of our 4 walls. But, I think we are dedicated to US getting out of the house too! The other part of missing Mark is that he is constantly playing catch up. Since we are dedicated to keeping McKenna out of day care, he attempts to meet her needs in the day and work too…doesn’t always work out too well. Then when I get home in the late afternoon, I take  over and he begins plowing through work in an attempt to meet his deadlines. Their art deadlines are crazy unrealistic anyway, much more work than 8 hours daily can accomplish. So, really, he is working what feels to be around the clock. He doesn’t go to bed most nights until 2-3 am and then is up again around 8:30-9 when Miss M wakes up. He is so dedicated to her and his work, so our relationship usually is what sits on the backburner, and that’s ok, we agreed to this and try to make up for it on the weekends. Although, for the past 3 weekends we have not and I am beginning to feel it. He has had to work the majority of the last few weekends as getting “caught up” during the week is proving to be less fruitful. Having several widow friends, I feel bad even feeling this way, since at least I HAVE my husband and can plan things with him. I am truly grateful for that and our situation isn’t  bad, so really this isn’t me complaining. I am ok with our decision. There are just tinges of our pre-parental life that I really miss.

On the one hand, it doesn’t bother me because it lessens his stress when he knows he has that time to catch up, which makes us both feel better and it’s what needs to be done to keep McK home with him and continue to save on day care costs….BUT having to entertain her away from the house so he can work is hard when 1) I have tons of housework that is glaring at me that I can never get to 2) I would rather have him with us 3) I don’t want to take her to the zoo or anything “Special” since I feel it is unfair he would be missing out. 4) I don’t want to compromise our closeness by never getting time to connect. Maybe I am complaining, just a wee bit. I just miss him.

So I am thinking about what we can do as a couple that will be special. I am not sure yet. My mom will come up later this month for a 3 day weekend and I am thinking I might want to go overnight with him separate from McKenna. Even just writing that gives me anxiety. I have never spent a night away from her. If we decide to do it, I know just what we will be doing…sleeping in! If we decide we just can’t leave her, I think a nice dinner out and maybe a movie or dinner theatre might be a nice way to connect…here’s to hoping!

I leave you with a picture of the most important reason we do any of this anyway…

TOTALLY worth it!



  1. trust me, taking the time away from McKenna to be just a couple will do wonders. and ahem, Brett and I got preggers on a trip to Vegas when it was just the two of us …no stress, no responsibility, just drunken, lovey times. taking time away to unwind and re-group as a couple will make you even better parents. And your daughter will LOVE all the attention from Grandma for a few days.

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