Posted by: jeffra | May 17, 2009

Mother’s Day

My first one ever. Somehow I guess I thought there would be fireworks, but there wasn’t. I guess I knew there really wouldn’t be, but still I had hoped. Hoped that I would be made to feel like I was forever appreciated, that my husband would laud me for my untiring efforts to nurse in the night, work all day and do it all over again with the same effort, grace and diligence that accompanied that first day back at work. He must have lost the memo…not so much as a card from my thoughtful husband. I should mention, he did make me breakfast at 12:45 after rolling out of bed around 1o and then heading off to the store…at least he remembered to tell me Happy Mother’s Day…it just seemed so ill prepared and after the fact, just like any other day (only I rarely get a cooked meal made by said husband). No preparation or forethought, the kind of stuff that lets you know that he thought about you in advance of your day and wanted to make it extra perfect. Cleaning the toilets and tub is nice too, but doesn’t that have to get done anyway? What qualifies that as a present? He knew I was disappointed, he thought he was appealing to my frugal/cards are a waste of trees anyway attitude I usually employ. But somehow, the first mother’s day is different. Birthdays, Christmas’ have always been in our lives, we can’t remember the very first ones, so it seems monotonous, somehow unspecial, everyone has one..a birthday, Christmas. Not everyone is a mother and you very much remember your FIRST mother’s day. Guess somehow my “rules” about how to celebrate this one were different. I wanted that stupid card, I guess to hear from husband how wonderful he thinks I am, to reinforce that I am a good mommy to his baby and that he is perfectly happy and content that he picked me to be the mommy of his little girl! Seems contrite as I write this now, my ego is stonger than this. But little reminders of how our loved ones feel of us help, right? Guess it is because it was the FIRST, some stupid, self imposed idea I had that it would be this magical memory I would have. So, I shared with hubby that I was a little disappointed, he looked deflated. Clearly, he thought he was doing what I would have wanted. I am pretty low maintenance, which usually translates into “Jeffra is easy-going and won’t pitch a fit, so anything she gets is good and she won’t care if it is kinda an afterthought”. This seems to be the attitude some family members (not hubby)  have had when purchasing me presents cuz usually there isn’t much I want so I guess I am hard to buy for. My husband recognizes this and in turn, attempts to make up for it by getting me awesome gifts he thought up himself with fancy packaging that makes a girl giggle. I guess I have grown accustomed to this (look what he started) and now expect it. That is awful! I shared that I would have liked to put my first card in the baby book, to which he replied “is there a spot for that in there, I’ll run out a get you one, then”. “No, sweetheart, that defeats the purpose”. So..I sit with the deflation that I felt underappreciated and unnoticed on “my day”, even though in reality, that is not the case at all. How selfish! My hubby is the best, most supportive one I know. To be fair, I received cards from my mother and sister and beautiful roses from my sweet cousin. Just not from the person I most wanted to acknowledge me. As I make sense of these incongruencies, I realize that truly, mother’s day is EVERYDAY…everyday that baby M loves me and gives me the opportunity to be her mommy! I reflect on the fact that I have a healthy, baby to love this mother’s day, (while other families are grieving their losses instead) and that is the greatest gift I could ask for. Take that Hallmark!

P.S.  I have a sneaking suspicion that next mother’s day may be very different! diamond earrings, maybe *wink wink*

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